It’s been a little while longer than I like since I last posted. I have been so unbelievably sick, sicker than I have ever been in my life. I took two weeks off work and dragged myself into work yesterday because I couldn’t take a third week off work. I’m currently on probation and have already taken more than my allowed sick days so I couldn’t risk my job. I still feel pretty bad but I’m back at work and pushing through. Would love to be tucked up in bed instead though.
On a better note, I have been asked to represent my company at a national convention for a week in April, and there is a very strong chance of promotion because of it. The downside is balancing my work life with my home life. I had to rush around to find someone to take care of my dog for a week while I am away, and I couldn’t help but think that I wouldn’t be able to do it with a child, especially being a single mother. If I do get a promotion it will mean commuting out of the country for 2 days a week, which will be impossible with a child – there is no way I would leave my child overnight for 2 days a week. But I would like the opportunity for promotion. My job is not a career, it’s not something I love, and I would put my not-yet-existant children ahead of it in a heartbeat. I just don’t want the prospect of being stuck in the role I’m currently in forever. It would slowly kill me.
I’m sure if I get the promotion that they will help me make arrangements. Either I can telecommute, or I can have set days to commute and find childcare over there for 2 days a week and take baby with me.
I have to make this happen. All of my thoughts for the last 15 months have been geared towards a family of my own and I feel like it’s slipping away from my grasp. Because of work commitments this month and next month are out of the picture, so I may have to aim for May now. It seems like something ALWAYS comes up to stop me trying. But I also feel that sometimes I put the roadblocks there myself, maybe because I’m scared or maybe something else. I am still giving myself a hard time for talking myself out of trying in November and January. It could have worked, it could all be in place. Yet I backed out and now I’m getting further and further away.